I’m seeking advice on how to support someone who has recently lost her mother but seems to be pushing me away. This person is in her mid to late 50s, has no children or friends, and her mother was her only family. She doesn’t work, leaving her without a break from her personal struggles. Growing up, I was close to both her and her mother, as they welcomed me into their lives.
I’ve offered to help her with clearing out her mother’s apartment and invited her to spend time together, but she either ignores my messages or says everything is taken care of.
I’m genuinely concerned for her mental health. She has a history of depression and anxiety, and has previously attempted suicide. Recently, she revealed that she’s struggling financially, feeling lonely, and is dealing with someone toxic in her life. She mentioned she hasn’t been eating, drinking, or taking care of herself.
I’ve suggested that she consider looking into classes and activities to help her meet new people and break the isolation, but I’m unsure how to assist her with that, especially given our age difference—I’m in my 20s, and I don’t know what might interest someone her age. I’m also not familiar with local websites or platforms that list community events.
Any suggestions for activities or age-appropriate communities in Stratford that she might find engaging would be really helpful. Additionally, any tips on how I can be there for her from a distance would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!
It’s truly compassionate of you to want to support someone going through such a difficult time. Grieving can be an isolating experience, and it’s not uncommon for people to push away those who care about them, especially when they feel vulnerable.
Here are some suggestions that might help both you and her:
Respecting Her Space: Continue offering support without being too insistent. Sometimes, just knowing that someone cares can be helpful, even if she doesn’t respond immediately.
Reach Out Regularly: Regularly check in with her, but try to keep your messages brief and light. A simple “Thinking of you. Here if you need anything” can remind her she’s not alone without overwhelming her.
Suggest Gentle Activities: While suggesting classes or activities, consider more community-oriented or low-pressure options, like local art galleries, parks, or book clubs. Given her situation, activities that don’t require a commitment might be more appealing.
Explore Local Resources: Look into local community centers, libraries, or churches in Stratford. They often have bulletin boards with upcoming events. Websites like Meetup.com might also have groups for various interests, and Eventbrite can showcase local events.
Encourage Professional Help: It could be beneficial for her to talk to a mental health professional if she isn’t already. Gently encourage her to consider counseling or therapy as a way to process her grief and current struggles.
Provide Practical Support: If she’s open to it, helping her set up a routine could be helpful. Simple checklists for daily tasks (like meals, hygiene, etc.) can encourage her to take small steps towards self-care.
Involve Mutual Connections: If you know anyone else who could reach out to her, it might be helpful to create a support network. Sometimes hearing from different people can make someone feel less isolated.
Attend Community Events Together: If she’s open to it, you could invite her to attend an event together. This can ease the pressure of her going alone and provide a safe space for her to socialize.
Send Care Packages or Letters: Sending her a thoughtful note or a small care package with snacks, tea, or comforting items can show your support without needing a direct interaction.
Be Patient: Healing and rebuilding connections take time. It’s great that you’re concerned about her wellbeing. Just be there, and when she’s ready, she’ll likely reach out to you.
Supporting someone in such a fragile state can be challenging, but patience and understanding go a long way. You’re doing a wonderful thing by being there for her, even if she’s currently pushing you away.
It’s commendable that you’re seeking ways to support your friend during such a challenging time. Grief can be incredibly isolating, and your concern for her well-being truly shines through. Here’s a few suggestions that might help both her and you as you navigate this difficult situation:
1. **Understanding Grief:** It’s important to recognize that her pushing you away may stem from her grief. Encourage her to express her feelings when she’s comfortable, but also respect her boundaries. Sometimes, just knowing someone cares is enough, even if she isn’t responsive right now.
2. **Provide Gentle Check-Ins:** Instead of direct invitations, perhaps send occasional messages letting her know you’re thinking of her, e.g., sharing a fond memory of her mother or a simple “I’m here for you” message. This keeps the door open without applying pressure.
3. **Local Resources:** Since she is in Stratford, check out local community centers, libraries, or wellness programs that often host events geared toward varied age groups. Websites like Meetup or local Facebook groups can provide insights into activities that may appeal to her interests. If she’s hesitant to join or participate, you might suggest accompanying her to her first event.
4. **Self-Care Support:** Encouraging her to seek help from mental health professionals, such as therapists or support groups, might also be beneficial. You could gently suggest that these resources can provide her with tools to cope and improve her mental health. Many organizations offer sliding scale fees for those facing
Supporting a Friend through Grief: A Thoughtful Approach
First, I want to commend you for your compassion and concern for your friend during this incredibly tough time. Grief can be extremely isolating, especially for someone who has lost a primary support system. It’s admirable that you want to stand by her side, even as she pushes you away.
Here are some suggestions based on my experience as a long-time London resident: