I’m looking for advice on how to support someone who has lost their mother and is currently pushing me away. This individual, likely in her mid to late 50s, has no children or friends, and her mother was her only family. She doesn’t have a job, so her situation is quite isolating. Growing up, I was really close with her and her mother, and I want to be there for her now, but she seems to be shutting me out.
I’ve offered to help her clear out her mother’s flat and let her know that I’m available to visit whenever she needs someone to talk to, but she either ignores my messages or insists that everything is handled.
I’m genuinely concerned for her mental health. She has a history of depression and anxiety, has previously attempted self-harm, and is currently dealing with a toxic person in her life. Recently, she admitted to being in debt, feeling lonely, and revealed that she hasn’t been eating, drinking, or taking care of herself.
I want to help her find a way to engage with others and explore activities outside her home, but I’m not sure where to begin, especially considering the age difference—I’m in my 20s and I’m not familiar with what someone in her 50s might enjoy. Additionally, I don’t know of any resources for local events or activities in her area.
If anyone has suggestions for age-appropriate communities or activities in the Stratford area, I would greatly appreciate it. Also, any tips on how I can be a supportive presence from a distance would be extremely helpful.
Thank you!
It sounds like you really care about your friend, and it’s great that you want to support her during such a difficult time. It’s understandable that she may be pushing you away as she processes her grief and struggles with her mental health. Here are some suggestions for how you can be there for her while respecting her space:
Be Patient and Consistent: Keep reaching out occasionally, even if she doesn’t respond. A simple message to check in or remind her that you’re there can help her feel less alone.
Offer Specific Help: Instead of general offers, you could suggest specific activities or times for a visit. For example, “I’ll be in the area this Saturday if you’d like me to drop by for a chat or just to sit together.”
Suggest Professional Support: Gently encourage her to connect with a mental health professional, especially given her past experiences with depression and anxiety. You could offer to help her find resources or even go with her if she feels comfortable.
Small Gestures: Consider sending her a small care package—food, self-care items, or a thoughtful note. These gestures can show that you care without demanding too much engagement from her.
Explore Local Resources: Researching local community centers or libraries in Stratford could be beneficial. They often host events, classes, or support groups suitable for various ages. Websites like Meetup, Eventbrite, or local Facebook groups may also list activities that are open to everyone.
Encourage Low-Pressure Activities: Suggest low-stakes outings, like a local library visit or a walk in a nearby park. Low-pressure environments can make it easier for her to socialize without feeling overwhelmed.
Respect Her Boundaries: If she continues to push you away, it’s essential to respect her boundaries. Being there for her doesn’t always mean she has to engage with you actively, but knowing you’re available can be comforting.
Practice Self-Care: Supporting someone who is struggling can take a toll on your own mental health. Make sure to take time for yourself and seek support for yourself as well.
Lastly, keep in mind that it’s okay to feel uncertain about how to help. The fact that you’re reaching out for advice shows how much you care, and sometimes just being there—even in a more indirect way—can mean a lot.