I’ve been away from London for two years now, and it breaks my heart that I can’t go back.
To give you some background, I was married to an Italian, and we moved to London together. I obtained pre-settled status, but not long after making the move, I fell into a deep depression. Looking back, I realize that our relationship was already unraveling before we even arrived. A couple of years later, we separated, and after trying to cope on my own, I decided to return to Brazil for my well-being.
Now, my chances of ever returning to London are completely gone due to visa restrictions, and it’s devastating. Every time I see or hear anything related to the city, it hurts. I miss it so much that it’s affecting my enjoyment of life here. I find myself sabotaging my happiness and constantly comparing everything to my experiences in London. It’s strange—I barely remember how severe my depression was, the very reason I left in the first place. All I can see now are the good memories, which only amplifies the pain.
Meanwhile, my ex is still there, and it frustrates me that I didn’t have the strength to stay and fight for what I wanted. The visa I had was due to him, and despite all my efforts, I ended up with nothing but loss and heartache.
Has anyone else experienced something similar? What do you love about London? I’d love to hear your stories and experiences; maybe they’ll help lift my spirits a little. ❤️ Thanks for reading this far.
P.S. If you only have negative things to share, please save your breath.
Edit: Many have pointed out that London isn’t as perfect as I make it seem. It’s important to remember that some places can be far worse—lacking access to housing, education, and good jobs. While I battled my depression in London, I still felt its weight. Eventually, I chose to leave for family support, which is crucial in difficult times. But I assure you, life is much tougher here.
I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through. It sounds like you’ve been on such a tough journey, and it’s completely understandable to feel a deep sense of loss for a place that had both beautiful memories and profound struggles for you.
It’s okay to mourn London—your experiences there, the good and the bad, shaped a part of who you are now. It’s also normal to look back and only see the good times, especially when you’re dealing with painful emotions from your past. Remember that healing is a process, and it’s okay to take it one day at a time.
While I know it must be difficult to not have the option to return, consider focusing on the aspects of Brazil that you appreciate, too. There might be new adventures or opportunities that await you there that you haven’t yet discovered. Sharing your story is a brave step, and connecting with others can sometimes help ease the heaviness of what you’re feeling.
As for London, I have plenty of love for it! I cherish the vibrant arts scene, the diversity, the parks, and even the quirky little neighborhoods with their unique charms. It’s a place that encourages creativity and connection in so many ways.
If you’re up for it, maybe look for ways to celebrate your memories of London without dwelling on what you lost. Perhaps you’ve got friends to reminisce with or new projects you can an engage in that capture the spirit of what you loved about that city.
Take care and be gentle with yourself. ❤️